I registered for the EndEndoMarch2015 in Washington D.C today, and though it seems like something I cannot physically handle, I am telling myself, indeed, I will be able to when the time comes. I will march for myself, and those that can't. I will march for the children I wasn't able to carry in my womb. I will march for my future children, that they will not see a sick mother, not able to play or take care of them. I will march for the seventeen years of missed or incorrect diagnoses, and missed opportunities. I will march for every woman that has to have a hysterectomy at 28, like I did.
I will march for my college years cut short; for the teaching job I had to leave.
I will march for everything endo took from me.
I will march for my mom, who worked her tail off with Endometriosis growing inside; three jobs, including taking care of three growing girls.
I have been trying to find the words to explain my frustration with this disease and those that deny how entirely heartbreaking it is. Because of the way I was raised, (by a Vietnam Veteran. A Marine, no less), I have a tendency to hide the pain I feel. I know a lot of chronic pain sufferers do the same.
Please say that you will just listen. That is all we really need. Let me cry.
There is struggle with it, that effects the WHOLE body, not just reproductive organs.
Extremely painful. Yet I have those that doubt me, and my strength. You have no idea.
It is. If it isn't the cramps, it is body pain. It is the fight to get your physical strength back that the cramps depleted. It is the lack of sleep, trying to function while in a pain fog. It is the pain of losing friends and partners that do not understand or support our diagnosis.
This was one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite episodes of Buffy. You cannot get stuck in the pain cycle, instead we must find hope and LIVE. Find answers. Find support and reach out when you are feeling alone, scared, frustrated, at your wits end. It is in this way that we will heal ourselves and others.
Call me selfish, but I am marching for me. For all that I have been through the last sixteen years.
For the doctors that want to help. I want to find a cure, a cause of this disease. I don't want anyone else dismissed, or made to feel less than. I don't want any other woman to feel the crushing loneliness I did, or still do. I don't want anyone else forced into choosing to conceive or have a total hysterectomy, like either will be the cure. THERE IS NO CURE.
Please show your support.
If you cannot make it to the march, consider wearing yellow for your endosister, your friend, mother, sister, or woman you never met. Consider wearing yellow for us.
More info here : Why We March
No comments:
Post a Comment